What I write in my tweets
What I actually mean
the author is clever (but not quite as clever as me)
I’d like to say I agree with this, but feel the need to hedge my bets (ever so subtly)
I’m going to let you work out whether you think I agree or disagree
Let me show you how creative/generous/charitable I am
‘What a lovely partner I have’
It’s my birthday, and I know I can’t say that, so here is a picture of my presents
LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!
‘Nothing like an early run/start/morning at my desk’
I am so pissed off about having to do this, I want some damn credit
‘After an exhausting week….’
Did I mention how hard I work?
I am not American, but I am pretending that I am because I think that is cool
I really want to show off about this without looking too narcissistic, and seem to have found a way!
‘Nom, nom, nom’
I’m a grandmother!
‘Thanks so much to all at….’
Look at this really cool thing I’ve just done/place I’ve just been to
I am so bored by all this crap
‘What a beautiful bit of countryside’
Get me back to London, pronto
‘U OK, hun?’
Can I show my deep concern for you during what must be a sensitive time by inviting you to tell me about it on a public platform?
I (probably) like X/Y/Z, but in a post-modern, irony-rich way (obviously)
‘All opinions are my own’
I am scared of my boss
– this piece first published by The Marketing Society
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